Review Rewind: The Real Housewives of New York City Season 4

B- /7

Well, there we were again, with the “Real Housewives” back in the Big Apple and ready for a new batch of travels, battles, and breakdowns. Over the off-season, the series lost perhaps its most captivating figure in Bethenny Frankel, but quickly picked up a new castmate, Cindy Barshop, who can only be described as an attempted replacement for Bethenny’s biting, brash, omnipresent brunette. Change was clearly the motto for this season’s women, as they showed off their newfound happiness and attitude adjustments like Jimmy Choos for a night on the town — the very length of that attempted change. The women clearly haven’t forgotten the catty squabblers or the melodramatic thespians they were last year, but their journey to do so this season makes for both compelling introspection and boring viewing.  

Review Rewind: The Real Housewives of Washington D.C. Series Premiere

C+   /7

After four hugely successful renditions of its play off the Desperate Housewives empire, Bravo decided to move its Real Housewives franchise to the most powerful city in the U.S.A. — Washington D.C. Bravo really couldn’t have picked a better setting for the “reality” show. D.C. has always been known for its political power, proximity to the center of America’s brain, and prestige that leads to a lifetime of material wealth — the perfect place for some high-octane, classy drama, right? Though four of the five women have a historic run in the District, and all are opinionated enough to silence Rush Limbaugh himself, D.C.’s bustling cityscape often draws attention away from the five heavy-hitting socialites involved.

Sharapova’s switching racquets; Bravo’s replacing housewives

Sharapova's racquet, devoid of any noticeable Prince-brand signage or shock absorber, seems likely to change come 2011.

Apparently Sharapova’s tight lips when it came to discussing her darkly wrapped racquet this year meant something. She’s decided to make the switch from Prince, the sponsor that provided racquets for her only 3 Slam wins, to Head. Perhaps she’s gotten tired of the less than stellar results in the less than light-speed time it’s taken to get them, or maybe it’s something else. I guess a new year is supposed to spur on a new Sharapova. For tennis’ sake, let’s hope that happens. I’m never entirely sure what’s going on in that always-clicking PR-focused brain of hers, but Tennis.com may. 

Review Rewind: The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 2 Finale

B-  /7

Alright, so I was a month late to leave the most ridiculous and no-holds-barred Housewives party of the year. Sue me. But you’ll have to get behind Danielle and her entourage first.

A season that seemed scripted in many ways (Who goes to say “hi” to someone who makes her react like a rubber ball elastically strung to a plastic paddle? I guess Teresa does. She’s very nice to do that.) was also a season that continues to prove that the (upper-class, white, assumedly Catholic, etc.) housewives of New Jersey are both stringently focused on family and unafraid to avoid politeness. Sans the reunion special, the finale proved to be Danielle’s final appearance on Housewives’ cameras and it shoved in our faces the divide that continues to persist between the two “families” of the show. This consistent attraction to family, unfortunately though, sacrifices and shrinks the extravagant drama over which we’ve been salivating this season.

Throughout the finale frequent flashes of familial events pop up to remind us of what keeps these women connected. After an extravagant trip to Italy, the Giudices get together with the Caroline and Jacqueline branches of the Manzo family. The women discuss the Danielle-Ashley affair, continually reminding themselves of why Danielle is such a horrible person and why Caroline, the unofficial Mafiosa of the Manzos according to Danielle, must arrange a meeting with the woman of their ire. Reaction shots of all the Manzos present at the dinner while the discussion takes place lead us to believe that every member of the family is engrossed in an unofficial battle.

Review Rewind: The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 2 Premiere

B- /7

If there’s a way to refine trash, then the Real Housewives of… franchise has figured out a way to do it. We all have a guilty pleasure, something that we’re not entirely proud to claim as viewed but something off of which we scopophilic addicts can’t peel our eyes. When viewing or listening to or reading any form of media — film, television, music, books, etc. — my analytical cap is snug on my head. So, when I first stumbled upon this cult franchise a year ago with the Real Housewives of New York City series, I labeled it a wonderful sociological study of perceptions of middle-aged, upper-class, mostly white women, but also their thought processes in social relationships and situations, all over the U.S.A. Well, NYC‘s season had to end sometime, which is when New Jersey premiered.

Each franchise is fascinating because (1) each has an ensemble cast that, much to the cast members’ approval, sheds light onto all in the exclusive members of the Housewives club, and (2) each has a unique tone (the polished but b**chy banter of NYC, the southern faux-hospitable aggression of Atlanta, etc.). So far, the only series I have been unable to bear is Orange County. There’s a difference between watching refined trash and losing brain cells: in the former, one willingly accepts the lack of “high culture” immediately and abandons it, allowing the overwhelming stink of the show to pull out the attachment (or desire not to be a part of the chaos); in the latter, the plot is too simple and the “characters” too static to care about or bother following (when the botox seems to be blocking sparks between neurons, it’s too much). Orange County is basically the latter. New Jersey, though, walks a very fine line between NYC and Orange County. Thankfully, it leans slightly closer to the “Big Apple” than the “Plastic Orange.”

The Real Housewives of New Jersey (from right to left, Danielle Staub, Teresa Giudice, Dina Manzo, Caroline Manzo, and Jaqueline Laurita): Pigs or People?

In its first season, New Jersey, more or less, provided 5 characters — older sister Caroline Manzo, younger sister Dina Manzo, sister-in-law Jaqueline Laurita-Manzo, Teresa Giudice, the Manzo family’s close friend, and Danielle Staub, the “outsider” of the series — with overdoses and combos of passionately protective, calmly logical, fun-loving and passive, idiotically unaware, and creepily possessive. After a season of familial pressures, shouting matches, and infamous table-flipping drama, I thought it couldn’t get any more fascinatingly dramatic or more (un)realistic a presentation of Italian-American women. Astoundingly, it seems to be changing my mind.

Latest “Real” Franchise Welcomes Newest “Housewives”

The reality TV powerhouse that is (or should be) Bravo has decided to expand upon the Real Housewives of... franchise it started 4 and a half years ago with the (unsurprisingly stupid and vapid) Orange County “housewives.” Since then, the network has improved upon its Real Housewives franchises, finding more interesting, intelligent, and exciting women, drama, and views of Americans and humans interacting. Joining the series in New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, and Washington D.C., is Beverly Hills, which is set to premiere October 14th. To really whet your appetites, below are quick introductions for the complicated women who accompany almost every Real Housewives series (since the women of O.C.). Do these women fit the usual Reality-TV archetypes, or more likely the archetypes that Bravo’s massive franchise has so effectively and uniquely constructed, or do these women own as-yet-unseen personalities ready to shock viewers once again? A rubric, obviously written in blood red, for these women: Keep the (faux-)drama coming!

Is Idol Now Idle?

I guess it’s final now. After much secrecy and press, which I’m sure the show’s producers welcomed, American Idol has decided to end the speculation that many thought would start a spin-off. Joining former Idol judges Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres out the door is Kara DioGuardi.

Fourth judge DioGuardi is joining fellow judges Cowell and DeGeneres out the "Idol" door.

Since coming to the singing-competition juggernaut in its 8th season, Kara DioGuardi never made an overly favorable impression on the show’s loyal viewers. The creation of a fourth judges’ seat was the producers’ way of refreshing a competition that would prove to already have such a reboot (the competition welcomed its most controversial star yet in Adam Lambert her inaugural season). When the decision was first announced, many enthusiasts had their doubts. Most assumed the judge to fill the new seat would be female — a 3:1 male-to-female ratio would’ve brought too much criticism — which upset them because they didn’t want anyone messing with the hilarious, jocular back-and-forth relationship between Cowell and then-judge Paula Abdul.

11th Season of DwtS Welcomes Its Newest Set of Stars

A few days ago, last season’s winner of the reality-dancing juggernaut Dancing with the Stars, Nicole Scherzinger, helped announce the newest set of “stars” who will grace (or bloody up) that glorious dance-floor. As always, they’re an eclectic mix. (Seriously, I see Bristol Palin reaching “Octo-Mom” levels of children before I see her sharing the stage with Margaret Cho again.) Ex-Dirty Dancing star, Jennifer Grey, is the early favorite, but most anyone has a shot of joining Scherzinger on DwtS’ very glittery podium at the top (except you of course, Florence Henderson. Sorry!).

***Naturally, the star must come first, which means his/her professional dancing partner’s name appears second in the pairings below.

Soul singer Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower